Artifact # 3

In humanity’s ongoing battle against self-inflicted climate change, they embarked on a grand and somewhat ambitious endeavor—the creation of the “Planetary Thermostat.” This extraordinary invention promised to geo-engineer the Earth’s temperature at the push of a button, putting an end to the perils of global warming. However, as is often the case, the universe had other plans.

The concept of a Global Thermostat was born amidst great fanfare and scientific optimism. World leaders hailed it as the ultimate solution to climate change, a device that could effortlessly control the Earth’s bio-geo-chemical flows, resulting in stable temperatures and bringing about a comfortable climate for all, leading to billions of dollars reallocated from climate mitigation funds. 

A lone voice of reason emerged in the form of Frank Knolls – the Head of the Bay Area Intentional Community Consortium, who boldly declared, “This is a terrible idea! We can’t even get a dozen people in a co-living house to agree on a comfortable temperature, and you expect the whole world to find a consensus?”

The initial results were nothing short of chaos. People across the globe began adjusting their local climates to suit their individual desires, leading to a wild array of weather patterns. Snowstorms in the Sahara, heat waves in Antarctica, and torrential downpours in the Atacama Desert became common occurrences. Climate tourists flocked to experience these bizarre phenomena, while meteorologists found themselves perpetually unemployed, and wildlife of all geniuses were utterly flummoxed on when was the correct time to breed. 

Meanwhile, local disputes over temperature settings became the stuff of legend. Neighbors squabbled over whether it should be 72 degrees Fahrenheit or 73, and wars erupted over the eternal question of “Is it too cold in here or too hot?” In the midst of this turmoil, global warming seemed like a quaint, distant concern. 

The Global Thermostat was eventually banned by surprising international consensus, and with painstaking adaptation, the world returned to the whims of nature, leaving behind a legacy of absurd landscape features and the eternal debate over the perfect indoor temperature. All while, Frank let out a sigh from the rowboat in his communal kitchen, muttering “I told you so”.